I Feel Like I M Not Here

I tend to feel like i need to have control of all situations so when i feel like i don t have control i feel uncomfortable.

Almost always especially in public situations i feel as though i m in a constant dream like state. I actually feel like i m not there. I have this feeling lately that i m not here. In situations where i don t feel part of the group i feel isolated.

I m always paranoid and always feel like i m being watched even when i m alone. Is it a sign of depression or something. That s the best way i can describe it. I usually get 5 hours of sleep if im lucky.

With that came the dizziness detachment from reality everything feels like im dreaming my vision is blurry like in a dream often i also feel like im underwater like i have this strange pressure in ears and i hear muffled sounds. When i stand up or try to walk i feel like im levitating like my legs arent there. I feel like i m not here tunnel vision excessive tiredness dizziness etc it s not diabetes or thyroid issue anxiety and panic attacks after a bad high anxiety and depression for a week or 2 after drinking confusion. I see everything and i do things but i feel like i m not actually doing it.

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Then i come home and fall asleep and wake up again which makes it. I don t know what it could be. I m trying to figure out why i have this. I go to bed late and on weekdays i wake up early.

Feel like i m breaking down i feel like i am stoned all the time like living in a dream 24 7 i know it s been asked many times before but i don t feel like i m really here. Feels like lump in my throat and feel like i cant breathe i always feel like i am dying feel like im going insane help. I could be doing something such as walking through the mall and then i ll realize woah i m actually here this is actually happening and i m not dreaming. I read that this could be something called depersonalization.

It s a feeling of not being in control or of not feeling like i m part of the situation. I feel like reality is slipping away from me. Well i m not alone in my life i have a great family and friends who really love me even i have a perfect and caring boyfriend but always i feel something is missing in my hurt i feel something is not right here yes there is a punch of people around me and i pretend to be happy but i feel alone in myself always i think i m different from all this people well yes i m a deep thinker feel. I feel like dying every day.

Its actually quite scary sometimes. I know it s been asked many times before but i don t feel like i m really here.